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shokk

Goddess Forever
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Posts: 237
Reply with quote  #1 

Ok girls I need some in site.........I had an encounter with my ex over the weekend.......he called me on Saturday very upset that he had not seen or talked to his daughters.........(oldest daughter is still very mad at him for the huge fight they had in the summer and has not spoken to him since" and the youngest loves her dad she is just so busy.......every single day of the week she has music..........this is coming to an end with high school football ending next month...........anyway we were talking about the oldest child and I made the comment that while she was a teenager his own behavior had contributed to her anger with him.........he left me because the "passion" was gone from our marriage (we had been married close to 28 yrs and he said "he had the right to be happy..........I don't believe that happiness is a "right".....I believe the "pursuit" of happiness is a right but let's face it.....just because you are pursuing happiness does not mean you will find it......this got me all upset because for some stupid reason I feel responsible and I really do encourage both daughters to have a relationship with their dad.......for a man that was very concern about finding happiness (new woman) he sure does seem to be very unhappy........my oldest told me that it doesn't matter he is just a very unhappy person which I think is very true........but because I was willing to continue our marriage at least until the youngest started college.......I knew our marriage was going to end but I really wanted to provide security for my kids until they were at least into early adulthood...........anyway what to you guys think.........do we have a right to be happy regardless of children, parents, friends, anyone that would be affected by someone's behavior????? 

Bren

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Reply with quote  #2 
Oh Shokk,  I think "happiness" is a fluid term.  It's not a constant. It's situational.  Joy comes from within. My ex wanted to be happier with a younger woman (his secretary) 11 months after he became a lawyer.  I cashed out everything I owned to put him through law school at the age of 44.  Is he happier? NO. They married and divorced.  He's just a miserable guy I put up with for 12 years.  My first husband and the father of my only child (Luke) left when he was 11 months old. He didn't pay support, never showed up when he was supposed to, etc.  I kept my mouth shut or covered for the ex, but I hated what it did to my son, and I know it hurt him. When Luke was about 16, I finally told him the truth.  He defended his father and that hurt me.  Now, at 32, Luke and his dad have a good relationship. He's an adult and has chosen this.  I live across the country now and his dad lives locally.  Your daughters are busy with their own lives now.  As time goes by they will make their own decisions on their relationship with their father. He chose to leave the family, right or wrong. He is responsible for his choice to "pursue his happiness" and how it affected his daughters.

Just my take on it.

But I sure do understand how you feel.

Love,
Bren 
shokk

Goddess Forever
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Reply with quote  #3 

Bren thank you for your insight..........Shokk

wildabouthorses

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Paparazzi Princess
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Reply with quote  #4 
One thing I've learned...you have to make yourself happy, nobody can do it for you and you shouldn't expect others to do so. As BREN said, find your Joy within yourself. And anyone that makes you happy, it is a gift from them that you can rejoice in.



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Jan
"Photographers see more than others, not because they have better eyes, but because their eyes are always open."
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