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Indigoblue

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Queen Blue Sky & Golden Light
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Reply with quote  #1 

Dear Friends 
 
It is individual, and there are kind and generous souls; and I hope "Ta-Ta's" and whatever it symbolizes gives breast cancer research and helps the cause for greater awareness.  I have been very emotional lately, and it's been a difficult 2008, so far.  
 
I am sorry for writing the long winded posts...and will delete the "nasty" stuff...so sorry.
 
love you all,
 
Indi

 

 




Bren

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PRINCESS
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Reply with quote  #2 
Indi,

As I wrote in the other thread, our feelings on this issue are based on our personal life experiences ... and yours have truly been horrendous. 

I hope and pray that you will start to feel better soon and your appt with the new oncologist can be the start of a new and healing path for you.

love,
Bren
nosurrender

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Reply with quote  #3 
Dear Indi,
Nothing you wrote regarding Pink or ta tas offended me in the least.
Just wait until you see the piece I am writing about the subject. I am touching the third rail of all of the diseases and I am taking no prisoners because I will not stand by and lose another friend.

Here I am, supposed to be at pre-wedding festivities and I had to leave the luncheon early because it looks like I have some kind of cellulitis/sepsis in my left tissue expander. I have been in incredible pain for days and today everything got worse. You can't even touch my skin without me jumping three feet in the air in pain.

This state of decrepitude that cancer leaves us in is criminal. AND I AM MAD.
I had to call my PS as an emergency and I don't even know if I wil make it to the wedding now.

VENT AWAY-
THAT IS WHAT THIS PLACE IS FOR!!!!


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Indigoblue

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Reply with quote  #4 

 

Bren,
Thank you for understanding.  I agree, everyone has a right to their own opinions and feelings; especially regarding breast cancers, as they are so "all over the place" on the wellness scale, so different, and continue to baffle the scientific and medical minds; while seeming to be even more complicated as they learn more about this unpredictable disease.  I think anyone going through any form of cancer is suffering emotional and subconcious worrisome lives.  Knowing  and not knowing what it can or cannot do to our life and family, never goes away...always in the back of our heads.  It took me a while to serious accept it was an undeniable chronic and little understood disease which might appear, disappear, reappear, who knows.  Finding my cancer through self examination was my wake-up call!  Doctors, Ob/Gyn's, Internists, Family Doctors, even my husband; could not detect what I could feel, knew was there, and there was pain, in my case.  I was told there is "no pain" in a breast cancer malignancy.  Wrong...the pain was so intense I could not walk, swim, run, sleep, or do simple things without that "twinge". 
 
I apologize for over-reacting; it happens from time to time.  Especially when I am having a "Boy's are stupid, Throw Rocks at them" day (Chemoabi's signature).
 
It was not nice to call people names, and there are more intellectual ways to express one's ideals.  I was not thinking, and feel ashamed at making  lurid remarks.  I changed some of the post, but still feel insulted by the negativity this slogan represents.
 
Love you Bren, you are so cool, quick witted, and wonderfully supportive.  Thank you.
 
love,
Indi
 
(((hugs)))  *******************************
 
Gina, oh dear, Gina! 
Sepsis is so frightening, and even any kind of infection with your history must be misery...I would be hysterical; really!  After all you've been through, and you were looking forward to dressing up, dancing, and being with people.  You are such a role model, and I admire you so.
 
Reading your kindhearted, kind and understanding post has me bawling, crying, and not for me; I worry so much about you, alone, while so many of these physicians treat chronic illnesses and emergency situations with such arrogance and indifference; sometimes I wonder why they ever became doctors in the first place.
 
My DB has a friend who works with doctors all of the time on a business level; he claims 80% of them don't know what they got themselves into when choosing a medical career, and many become so hollow headed and greedy, heartless, and despise people after a few years.  The attitude prevailing, is to pay off the loans, do the job, retire young, and get as far away from the medical profession as possible! 
 
I've overheard or have been told by many a physician, how overwhelming and difficult it is to be a doctor of any caliber; heart surgeons, neurologists, and Oncologists, as well as surgery, family physicians and pediactrics, to name a few; are the most stressful; and nurses are often given the chores and feedback responsibility, once given only to the physican's expertise, knowledge and power.
 
With all the Insurance policies, cost of equipment, cost of education, and the difficulty of getting into a med programs, combined with the emmense ego tripping and competition, I can understand the stresses physicians experience in todays world.  Especially, since insurance is becoming more complicated, difficult to obtain, expensive, and talk about moronic behavior and lack of compassion!  Let's not forget the Big Buck Pharmaceutical companies, FDA Bull, and the Hospital Policies keeping patients from exposure to infections, and MSRA;s, with a huge and sad need for nurses, who no longer want to "go there", a once highly respected and well paid profession.  The "good ones" are disappearing, and there are fewer who wish to even "teach" nursing or medicine. 
 
So, meanwhile, who is suffering?  Who can we trust?  Are we guided, given the best care, or even a hospital stay when needed?  Rarely.  All this research, computers, new drug therapies, and machines...make one wonder what the heck is going on, anyway?
 
I hope they give you an effective antibiotic, and something for the pain.  You are sensitive to pain medication, as I, and why hasn't an effective pain relief medication been introduced in this day and age?  Seems like their major worry is addiction, but who the heck cares when one is dealing with cancer, infections, mets, bone pain and worse.  I never expected the ineptitude I've seen in the past few years.  How could the physicians NOT detect your pain and possible side effects?  They don't even bother to look or care in so many cases...I could go on and on regarding this topic.
 
I pray you are feeling better, and don't go to the wedding if it means compromising your health.  I missed my sister's wedding, which I really was looking forward to, partly due to health issues, and my skin...
 
What is with the strange skin pain, I still have it, and certain fabrics, soaps, dust, grass, water, and food aggrivate it intensely.  Feels like it's on fire, sometimes.
 
Let me know if there is anything you need, or anything possible I can do to ease your mind.  You didn't need to add me to your worries, I am so sorry.  I was peeved at the mixed messages, and sometimes these issues make me crazy mad.  I wish people would love one another and understand the hardships of so many who struggle while staying hopeful and positive.
 
Take care, sweet Gina.
Love you, so much, you are such a beautiful soul.  Thank you for always being so supportive and kind.  If I could wish away this cancer, wouldn't it be grand.  You are too vivacious, young, and so special.  You help so many people, many not even realizing the important and impressive additions you have given to life and science.
 
If you go to the wedding, try to forget everything and a glamorous, incredible time! 
 
love,
Indi

purplemb

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Reply with quote  #5 
Dear Indi...

Please don't apologize for how YOU feel....

we are all different. and that's ok...

hugs MB

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Karen1956

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Reply with quote  #6 

Indi - I second what MB said.  Just think if we all thought the same way, how boring life would be!!!!  Hey, boring would be nice!!!  - but not in how we think.  Your posts are always a treat to read.  Hugs, Karen

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