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onecent

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Reply with quote  #1 
Hello,
We just found out that Tim may be transferred. He said it would be possibly out of state. It is because of the economy and his job is making changes.
My son is so happy in his school. I really don't know how he will handle it. I don't want to leave my doctors either.
It is very scary.
Penny


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coco

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Reply with quote  #2 
Hi Penny,

I can certainly understand your anxiety with a possible relocation hanging over your head; it really messes with our mother's nesting instincts, doesn't it? Until you know for sure, doing some research into your possible new location could really help reduce your anxiety. Do you know where that new location might be yet? Perhaps some of us might be able to help if it turns out to be near our general region (remember the regional reps list Gina has started to put together? BTW, I've got to sign up myself!)

I know you've asked about finding good doctors in another thread and there are sources to turn to. I'm no expert here, but I just pulled up my plastic surgeon's webpage and she is listed in Best Doctors in America, Top Docs for Women, and Top Doctors in Houston. She's also a member of Strathmore's Who's Who, and Who's Who of American Women and the Consumer's Research Council of America: America's Top Physicians. So you might try googling some of these things and see what you get. Your current doctors should also be able to give you advice to help you transfer to a new team; they may even be able to provide names. I'm sure the other NS members will have more ideas too.

I just called a friend, in fact, who has moved with her two young children (and various health issues) several times and has become quite expert at it. She says you can research potential new schools for your son as well as real estate and other general info about the town or city by first looking up the local Chamber of Commerce. There you will see the type of businesses exist in the area, the size of the community, find relocation links, etc. She added that each city has a government office that will provide standardized test scores for all the schools in the area providing a way to begin evaluating schools before you move. She also suggested googling "best schools in ___________" and you will find sites that rate and evaluate different schools in the area. You can then go to each school's specific site for more detailed information. She also mentioned there are online groups for parents where you might be able to ask specific questions or seek opinions. She looked up clubs in her area and found "Moms of (her city)" which turned out to be a useful resource for her.

Additionally, the American Cancer Society could give you names and numbers for local BC support groups, another potential source for information.

You did use the word "may" so it seems that there is also the possibility that you may not move. The time in limbo -not knowing one way or the other- is what can crank up your anxiety level which isn't good for anyone! So the more research you can do in advance, the more prepared you will be to make a move. The more secure you feel, the more secure your son will feel - he'll take his cues from you! And who knows? Maybe you will find things about the new location that you can get excited about! Perhaps a great children's museum, a botanical garden, a school with great programs and reputation, better weather, etc., etc. There could be some gains in the equation too!

Technology will also help your son (and forgive me, I've forgotten his age) keep in touch with his old buddies, which may help him feel a little more grounded as he explores his new surroundings.

I know a major move is not easy to do even under the best of circumstances, and still being in treatment adds an additional challenge, but I know women who've done it and have managed very well. And remember: wherever you go, you will have NO SURRENDER with you! You know those TV ads for the Verizon Network where customers are given dire warnings about the "dead zone" they are about to enter? Their response: "No, we have a network..." The camera pans to a waving crowd behind the Verizon rep who responds, "We're good!" Think of that image and substitute all the wonderful and very knowledgeable people of NO SURRENDER behind you instead!

Hang in there, Penny!

Coco


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Karen1956

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Reply with quote  #3 
Penny - wow - Coco gave you a wealth of information - heck, provided me with info that I did not know.
How old is your son?  I think he will take your lead on moviing (if your move) from how you feel about it.  If you and DH are positive he will be positive.  I know moving is very scary especially for us BC survivors, finding new doctors and everything. Does DS know about any of this? Our kids tend to be able to read through us - at least I know my 10 year old does (don't remember about my older kids when they were her age!!) I get scared when DH thinks of a job change worrying about insurance. 
Do you have any idea where you might be transfered to ?  Is is far from where you live?:  If it is not too far, maybe you could take a driving trip to visit the area - maybe check out neighborhoods, stores, etc that could help ease fears.  Its probably best not to do this until it is a reality.
I hope that you don't have to wait too long to know what is up with DH job and a transfer and where.  For me, uncertainty is the hardest part.
Hugs to you.  Karen
nosurrender

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Reply with quote  #4 
Coco, that is the nicest thing I ever read! That is EXACTLY how I want everyone to feel! You are really great- you made my day. Thank you. And Thank You for the wonderful advice you gave our Penny.

Karen, thank you, too!

You moms know how to advise so much more than me.

Penny, I am so sorry you have to deal with this!
When will you know for sure?
I hope things will work out... but you guys are such a great, strong, loving family that I know will get through anything.

Love,
g


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MargaretB

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Reply with quote  #5 
Coco, you gave Penny some great information.  I just wanted you to know my thoughts as I was reading your post - "what a nice thing was just written, very comforting."

Penny, have you heard anything further?
CherylG

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Reply with quote  #6 
COCO... wow! What great information. I can only add that I moved in mid January when DS was in grade 1. I was so nervous about the first day at the new school I was sick. We walked into the school and the teacher said I could stick around for the morning if I thought DS needed me to be there. She turned and said hello Danny how are you. Do you have any questions for me before we go to class? He said "do I have a cubby"? She said yes... here's yours, it already has your name on it. He said ok... then told me "ok mom see you later" I had worried myself sick for no good reason! Children are very resilient and perceptive. They adapt quickly to new environments and don't make a big deal of it if we don't. Things like this can be harder on us than the kids.
ONECENT ... Hoping you don't have to move, but it will all work out you'll see!
"Believe" 
Hugs
Cheryl

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Naniam

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Reply with quote  #7 
Just want to add that the info Coco gave is helpful and very good advice.

My daughter is in the process of relocating and she was able to check out the areas that had the best schools.  You need to know the price range of homes where you will be moving, what you can afford and then branch out from there for the best neighborhoods for schools, etc. 

Having to relocate is hard especially if you are happy where you are but with a little planning it can be something to look forward to also.

Penny, with folks like Coco helping you and giving you great advice, things will be fine.  Keep us posted. 

Brenda
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Reply with quote  #8 

This is not a plug for my industry but good Realtors are like Encyclopedia's when it comes information about an area they work in. Their web sites also offer links to all kinds of information. You can even use your local agent to refer you to someone in the area you might have to move to.


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Reply with quote  #9 
Bren, I agree.  I should have added that this morning to my post.  The realtor my daughter worked with - they gave them a price range for the home they could afford - gave them the info on the schools in the area.

Not tooting your own horn - its true!!
nosurrender

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Reply with quote  #10 
Penny check in! We are getting worried!

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onecent

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Reply with quote  #11 
Dear No Surrender,
I am sorry I worried you.
We had a difficult holiday.
We don't know what is going to happen yet.
We don't know if Tim will be transferred or laid off.
I don't know which is worse.
TJ will be devastated if we have to move.
To be honest, So will I.
But we can't live without Tim's income.
I have been looking at Monster.com for ads for work I can do.
Darn this economy!
Darn it all!

With gratitude to my friends here,
Penny


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nosurrender

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Reply with quote  #12 
Hey Penny,
How are you doing? any news????


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onecent

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Reply with quote  #13 
Thank you for asking after me.
Still no news yet.
If we keep it up like this, at least TJ will be able to finish out the school year.
Penny

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Limner

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Reply with quote  #14 

Hi Penny - thinking of you up there in the Pacific North West -hope all is well for you as we ride out these unsettle-ing times.  Mary  


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