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purplemb

Exercise Czar
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Reply with quote  #1 
this weekend is Mother's Day...and I have very mixed feelings right now.....

Am I a good mom or not?...What could I have done better? maybe my children are grown, but still affect my day to day life, I baby sit, or do banking, sew patches on something...  and pick up curtain rod hooks.. call for appointments...worry that they will be fine...wonder why they didn't call today....

I have had one son marry (with out my knowledge) and separate in under 3 weeks...then take 3 years to find her for a divorce... (luckily I now have a wonderful DIL)....I have one son who was a guest of the county, but has finally grown up ...one who lived in my basement for almost 5 years, finally moving into his own house....... but as a mom what am I to do ... got to love each  one of them for who they are and love them despite anything bad they have done and praise them for all the good they have done.... some days I may not like what they do but at night I hope they are ok....and I pray for them ....

my own mom, passed at easter... so now who do I go too?... I have no one to buy flowers for, or to tell stories about my friends to.... and more I will miss doing those little things to make her crazy....lol.. I was good at that.... and no more mom hugs....

Sorry.. I am just thinking about my "momhood"....I just want to say I am happy to be a mom, its the best job I have had...I hope my mom was happy to be my mom and to all the mom's out there... you are strong and no matter what, you are the best... keep up the good work.... 

We are strong
MB



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DoreenF

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Reply with quote  #2 
MB - it sounds to me like you're a wonderful mom and a wonderful daughter. You've taught your kids well.....  they have the values you taught them .. but they also explored a bit and had to understand what some of the values are really there for. You helped them build the foundation to make the choices they made ... and yes... it takes time for them to grow up ...  I'm sure you're really proud of them and what they've become ... and your love shines through in your post.  

I'm sure you really miss your Mom a ton ... and days like Mother's day bring back the emotions from your loss.   I hope that you and your family will do something special to celebrate mothers' day for you ...  and do something nice to remember your Mom.

Sending you lots of hugs,
Doreen


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Bren

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Reply with quote  #3 
Hi MB,

I know how much you miss your mom right now. 

I can't remember the last time I spent Mother's day with my son or my mom.  It used to be my favorite holiday and I felt special.  I think the last time I was with my son on Mom's day will be 7 years ago.  And with my mom 3 years ago. The last few years, I've been alone on that day. 

I have regrets.  I'm amazed your post could cause me to cry.  It hurts me to sometimes wonder if I was good enough. 

Was I a good mom?  I hope so with all my heart.  He's the reason I changed my life, he's the reason for anything good and lovely in my life.

He's a fine young man today with a beautiful family of his own.  Someday, I hope to be with him again on Mother's day.

love to you MB and Happy Mother's Day,
Bren



lizws

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Reply with quote  #4 
MB,

I know first hand what a wonderful caring mom you are.  Don't ever question that please.  You can ask anyone of your kids, DIL and grands and they will tell you what a wonderful job you have done.

This will be your first Mother's Day without your mom.  It will be tough.  I also know that your mom treasured you.  She told me so in her card.  So please remember that.

You are a treasure and I love you dearly.
Liz

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nosurrender

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Reply with quote  #5 
You are all such wonderful mothers...
It is the little things that add up. That is what we remember.
My mother had her "issues" when we were growing up, but I remember all the little things and I believe she was a great mother despite what troubles she went through when we were kids.
Just the fact that you worry if you were a good mother shows what a good mother you are/were.
MB, I know this year it will be particularly hard for you. I am so sorry. But all the little things of your mom are in you and in turn you are passing them on to your kids.

This is one of my favorite poems. I love it because of the minute detail and simplicity. It really captures who were are when we leave the house and all that we take with us.
A mother's love walks with us always.

A Child Went Forth, by Walt Whitman


There was a child went forth every day;
And the first object he look’d upon, that object he became;
And that object became part of him for the day, or a certain part of the day, or for many years, or stretching cycles of years.

The early lilacs became part of this child,
And grass, and white and red morning-glories, and white and red clover, and the song of the phoebe-bird,
And the Third-month lambs, and the sow’s pink-faint litter, and the mare’s foal, and the cow’s calf,
And the noisy brood of the barn-yard, or by the mire of the pond-side,
And the fish suspending themselves so curiously below there—and the beautiful curious liquid,
And the water-plants with their graceful flat heads—all became part of him.

The field-sprouts of Fourth-month and Fifth-month became part of him;
Winter-grain sprouts, and those of the light-yellow corn, and the esculent roots of the garden,
And the apple-trees cover’d with blossoms, and the fruit afterward, and wood-berries, and the commonest weeds by the road;

And the old drunkard staggering home from the out-house of the tavern, whence he had lately risen,
And the school-mistress that pass’d on her way to the school,
And the friendly boys that pass’d—and the quarrelsome boys,

And the tidy and fresh-cheek’d girls—and the barefoot negro boy and girl,
And all the changes of city and country, wherever he went.

His own parents,
He that had father’d him, and she that had conceiv’d him in her womb, and birth’d him,
They gave this child more of themselves than that;

They gave him afterward every day—they became part of him.
The mother at home, quietly placing the dishes on the supper-table;
The mother with mild words—clean her cap and gown, a wholesome odor falling off her person and clothes as she walks by;
The father, strong, self-sufficient, manly, mean, anger’d, unjust;The family usages, the language, the company, the furniture—the yearning and swelling heart,

Affection that will not be gainsay’d—the sense of what is real—the thought if, after all, it should prove unreal,
The doubts of day-time and the doubts of night-time—the curious whether and how,
Whether that which appears so is so, or is it all flashes and specks?

Men and women crowding fast in the streets—if they are not flashes and specks, what are they?
The streets themselves, and the façades of houses, and goods in the windows,
Vehicles, teams, the heavy-plank’d wharves—the huge crossing at the ferries,
The village on the highland, seen from afar at sunset—the river between,
Shadows, aureola and mist, the light falling on roofs and gables of white or brown, three miles off,
The schooner near by, sleepily dropping down the tide—the little boat slack-tow’d astern,
The hurrying tumbling waves, quick-broken crests, slapping,

The strata of color’d clouds, the long bar of maroon-tint, away solitary by itself—the spread of purity it lies motionless in,
The horizon’s edge, the flying sea-crow, the fragrance of salt marsh and shore mud;

These became part of that child who went forth every day, and who now goes, and will always go forth every day...








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Naniam

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Reply with quote  #6 
Gina, thank you for the beautiful poem.  I'm going to print that one to have to read again and again.

MB, I think we all question whether we were good mothers or not.  Like Bren and you, I pray that I was.  I made some bad choices but my two children were my life - they made me get up in the morning when the days were difficult and I just wanted to curl up and hide.   I've always tried to be there for them and yes, I was a strict parent.  A single parent who wanted to make sure that my children knew limits, consequences, and values but all handed out with the knowledge that I loved them..

I almost lost my son when he was 10.  He and I have always been close.  It took him a while to grow up.  He is now a cop and did it because he truly wanted to help.  He does it for the right reasons and I love him and the man he has become.  When he knew I had breast cancer, he cried when he told his oldest son.  He drove me the hour some days for my chemo or a test.  He never leaves now but what he gives me a hug, kiss and tells me he loves me.  I try to be there for his children; to love and enjoy them.  He trust me with their care often. 

My daughter and I hit some rough spots in her early 20's.  Then she married, hit some rough spots of her own - who did she call and who does she confide in now - Mom.  She called me every day when I was in chemo.  She now has two beautiful children. She wants me to visit her often.  She is a nurse, has written and gotten published a nursing book. She is intelligent, strong, a good, patient, gentle loving mom.  I am so proud of the woman and mother she has become.

I didn't have the relationship with my mom that you had  My mom was complicated, stubborn, strong willed and not good at showing love.  That hasn't changed as she has aged either.  To give her a hug - well, she just tenses up.  This past year she has had a light heart attack and a stroke and we see her changing both mentally and physically.  Has she been difficult, yes.  Is she still difficult, definitely.  Did she love me, yes, as much as she was capable of loving.

Have we failed as parents or been good enough parents.  We have not failed and I have not doubt that each of us have been the best Mom.  Is there things that we could or maybe should have done differently.  I'm sure there is - we are Mom's not perfect but molded with hearts that hurt, break, arms that holds a sick child, a hurting teenager, or an adult child that is having some difficult days; we have tears that are shed because they have moved on and don't need us or call us as much as we would like - I wouldn't trade the chance I've had to be a mother for anything.  I wouldn't trade the wonder of being a grandmother for anything - I love hearing "I love you Nana" or "love you, Mom".  I long sometimes to be surrounded by my children and grandchildren on Mother's Day.  It has been a long time since I have had both of them with me and it won't happen again this year.  There is a sadness in my heart - but then I will hear "I love you" and my world is OK.

Like all of you, I pray that when my days on this earth have ended, my children will remember me, MB, as you have remembered and honored your mother here.  I hope they feel they have lost someone special also.

I know those of you that have lost your mother, especially you this year MB,
Mothers Day is a hard day. 

May the Lord bless all of you - may you have a truly wonderful Mother's Day!!

Brenda
purplemb

Exercise Czar
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Reply with quote  #7 
Thank you for all the kind words, I was just rambling..... I was sure I wasn't the only one feeling this way...

G I loved the poem

My kids are great, my grands really spoiled, and my mom knows she was loved.....

Happy Mother's day to all....

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