Sign up Calendar Latest Topics
 
 
 


Reply
  Author   Comment  
csp

Moderator
Registered:
Posts: 1,940
Reply with quote  #1 


I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal. I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off.

For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. It's as if they are all frozen in some kind of Ebenezerian Time Warp until 3 p.m. on Dec. 24th, when they - with amazing calm - call other errant men and plan for a last-minute shopping spree.

Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. You might think this would send them into a fit of panic and guilt, but my husband tells me it's an enormous relief because it lessens the 11th hour decision-making burden. On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.

Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist. Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.

Add to this the fact that there would be unavoidable delays in the chimney, where the Bob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repaint bricks in the flue. He would also need to check for carbon monoxide fumes in every gas fireplace, and get under every Christmas tree that is crooked to straighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree angle.

Other reasons Santa can't possibly be a man:

* Men can't pack a bag.
* Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
* Men would feel their masculinity is threatened ... being seen with all those elves.
* Men don't answer their mail.
* Men would never allow their physique to be described as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
* Men aren't interested in stockings unless a woman is wearing them.
* Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to attract women.
* Being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

I can buy the fact that other holiday characters are men. Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous - definite guy. Cupid flies around carrying weapons. Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers. Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test - but not St. Nick - not a chance.

As long as we have each other, good will, faith and Nat King Cole's version of "The Christmas Song," it probably makes little difference what gender Santa is. I just wish she'd quit wearing a beard!

author unknown

__________________
courage does not always roar. sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day
saying.. i will try again tomorrow.
~maryanne radmacher
DoreenF

Princess Kindheart
Registered:
Posts: 974
Reply with quote  #2 
Carrie - thanks for sharing this!!!   The author has a lot of very good points ....   LOL!!
Doreen


__________________
"Cancer May Leave Your Body, but It Never Leaves Your Life" - Lance Armstrong Foundation Manifesto.
Previous Topic | Next Topic
Print
Reply

Quick Navigation:

Easily create a Forum Website with Website Toolbox.