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StacyL

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Reply with quote  #81 
jennine -
I had chemo first and was told by my onc. the hair would start to fall out on day 14. I had long blond hair and decided to get a short, cute cut. Something I would have never done before. I liked it. Well, on the 14th day there it was in my fingers/hands while I showered for my next chemo appointment. I was devastated. I really didn't want to be going through this. There was the evidence of my cancer right in my hands. My hair of all things.
I sucked it up and decided to take control and had my head buzzed that Saturday. I felt so much better. I did buy 2 wigs, but opted to wear hats.

I got some cute ones form http://www.tlcdirect.org/ and http://www.headcovers.com
They have cute wigs too and post surgical bras that medicaid will pay for. I also have some turbans with headbands mix and match, with other hats I'm just about ready to donate. I will take some pictures of them and you let me know if you OR ANYONE ELSE HERE would be interested in them. What's left I'll donate to the University cancer center. I'll try to do that this week. I will probably wear a few of them for a little while longer.


You sound like a very strong woman. I love your attitude, you will need it.
I hope to talk to you around here frequently.
Much love and prayers,
Stacy

coco

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Reply with quote  #82 
Jennine,

Sounds like you are doing a great job in preparing yourself mentally, emotionally.

Have you heard India Arie's "I Am Not My Hair"? You might want to adopt it as a theme song for a while...

Big hugs, girl, I'll be back to check on you.

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Jennine

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Reply with quote  #83 
Hi girls,

Yep, I'm preparing as best I can. I have my moments...like when my husband tells me to stop reading on the Internet..that's it's only going to make me depressed!
I love my man, he's a great guy..however, I know what's best for me..thank you very much. I have to imagine what my life will be like, how I will change. I won't be the same, I know this..but who's to say I won't change for the better? It's true, during a crisis you find out what your made of. I've always been tough, but this..this...is a true test of faith.

I love to read and educate myself. I have always been into the mystical, the un-explored, the paranormal. I taught myself to read the Tarot, and I studied it for over 12 years. I went even further and incorporated numerology into my readings and then astrology. I am fascinated by how accurate the cards are, sometimes they take me totally by surprise, just like this cancer thing.

My sister knows how much I love to collect different decks, books and the like. She brought me a set of oracle cards..they are absolutely beautiful. Saints and Angels..just what I needed and I have used them, and I am amazed. One of the cards has a picture of an guardian angel with long light brown hair wearing a while flowing dress. She is upon a white unicorn and in the background...crystal clear blue water. At the top of the card is a word, but it's not so much the word as it is the emphasis placed after it. It simply says; TRIUMPHANT! When I do my readings or meditate, when I am alone I focus on my current condition and I ask for guidance. I always get supportive cards. But when I ask of the outcome of this dis-ease, I get, yep..you guessed it, TRIUMPHANT!! It doesn't get any better then that.

I am not one to go to church every Sunday..although I think those who do are committed and I feel that's a wonderful thing. But, I have always been a spiritual person, just not into the conventional part of "religion" I have a deep affiliation with Jesus since I'm a little girl. When I am troubled I pray to him and imagine his face and ask him to help me. I set up a little alter, just for me in a little spot in my bedroom. It's made up of things that people lovingly gave me throughout the years. Little angels, religious artifacts, pictures, each has a special meaning for me. I light candles there and keep it very personal. It's my little church, somewhere I can go when I need comfort.

I know we are not our hair, but it still hurts, it's like loosing a part of yourself, your physical identity. I know it's only temporary but I am going to mourn the loss of it nonetheless. It's ok to mourn, actually it makes you feel better. But I will get the wig, maybe I won't wear it, maybe I will. But I want the option being I have NO option loosing my own.

Life goes on and I know something wonderful will come out of this. Like a gift under the Christmas tree...I can't wait to open it!

Love to all of you, faith..always,
Jennine

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nosurrender

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Reply with quote  #84 
Jen, I will hook you up with a really great wig place here on the island.
They are so good that I got more compliments when I had Natasha on than I ever did with my real hair.

But don't worry about that now. One moment at a time. Don't project too far ahead!

Just take care of what you have to do now, and forget the rest until you get to it.

big hugs
g


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Jennine

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Reply with quote  #85 
Hi Gina!

Hook me up, hook me up! ha ha ha Just want to get a lil head start, but your right, I will try, hard as it may be, to not get to ahead. Ok, now, where can I get those great wiggies?

Thanks Gina, looking forward to talkin to ya!

Love, Jen


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A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions. - Oliver Wendell Holmes
StacyL

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Reply with quote  #86 
Jen -
You sound like a beautiful person inside and out. I started crying reading your post, I am spiritual too, not that I go to church, but have a close relationship with God, almost daily. I know it should be daily.
Anyway, you sound so good and are so ready to beat this. What a soul you have. I feel like a better person for reading your post and now honored to know you.

God bless you -
Stacy
Jennine

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Reply with quote  #87 
Stacy,

I feel the same way about you. I read your posts, you are so brave and I admire you. Your family is beautiful and so are you. Don't you just adore those boys? :-) total opposites I bet? hmm?
So tell me, is it as hard as you thought it would be? ;-) Don't believe for one minute that I'm not afraid...but I'm more determined than I am frightened. It's only a bump in the road, a way to grow spiritually in leaps and bounds. Super-girls you all are..and it gets better from here!

Love, hugs and faith...always,

Jen

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A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions. - Oliver Wendell Holmes
StacyL

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Reply with quote  #88 
Jen -
I've had my moments of being scared to death. Almost an out-of-body experience. I had to actually say it out loud one day "I HAVE CANCER".
It was less horrifying than I thought, very surreal. I've been one of the lucky ones, if there are really any. stage 11b, negative nodes, non-mets. Got through chemo w/very little SE. Going from bilat mastectomy to lumpectomy (partial mastectomy, really).
I have little boys who need me. Need my guidance and need to see me be strong and not fall apart. I am a role model for how to handle crisis for them and I want them to look back and say my mom's breast cancer wasn't that bad. I talk to them on their level of comprehension and always ask if they have questions, which is usually no. but they are apart of this every step of the way.
I have a 17 yr old who (long story) lived in residential care facility for 1 1/2 yrs. for behavior and drug issues. He would go on run all the time. Some times for days at a time, once for a week. He was 14. I have been through way worse, with him.
He's OK now, 17, growing up and maturing he calls me all the time and thinks it's partly his fault that I got BC because of all the stress he put me through. He calls me a soldier/warrior and truly admires me. He says he doesn't know how I do it.
I tell him it's because of him. And his brother, and DH. He gets speechless. He can't believe how much I still love him so much after everything he's put me through. I reassure him I always will love him no matter what. Sometimes he doesn't think he deserves it. I love him so much. Pray for him.
my 7 yr old doesn't really understand, but we communicate on his level. I can't give him too much info. that he's not ready for.
My 4 yr old knows I have BC and have to get medicine, now surgery.
He dreams about me almost every night. Such a sweetheart. I am so blessed.
Well, I'll wrap this up.
Stacy
Jennine

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Reply with quote  #89 
Stacy,

So, your a mother of three boys, just like me! I used to say, there should be a special club for us, Mom's with the boys. I adore them and I know how much you love them. My mother in law used to say, "No one loves their kids more then I do, as much as I do, but never MORE" We love our kids and it's truly unconditional. No matter how they behave, no matter how defiant, we love them just the same. 
My oldest is 19, my son Eric, and let me tell you...talk about high maintenance!! If you have more than one child, you will always have a high maintenance kid, maybe two. Eric is just like me..he does what he wants no matter what I say, in fact, he does the complete opposite of what I ask of him or advise him to do. And teenagers?  double whammy! ha! But, they come around. Your son telling you those things, hmmm this thing your going through, the cancer? Life changing not only for you sweetie...for him as well. You two will draw closer now and he will be there for YOU.  This is a life changing event for our families too. My husband always helped me around the house, I did most of the work only because I'm quicker and a better cook. My kids need to help out more around the house and I need to hand out more responsibilities, it's important for them too. 
I miss my kids when they were little. I think 4 years old was my favorite. I think about it often but when I want to actually see them like that again, I just pop in the VHS. I have some priceless footage...I never get tired of watching it..
PS The baby's are precious and mine is so close to me, my little one is the sweetest thing, he helps me the most and although he's only 13..he's more like my bestest friend.

Have a nice, peaceful nights sleep,

Love, Jen 

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A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions. - Oliver Wendell Holmes
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