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nosurrender

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FLLoriK

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That's funny!

Indigoblue

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Reply with quote  #3 

I wonder if his real name is Bill-Ding (Blocks I played with when I was a kid).
These videos tend to be slightly on the "violent and nasty" genre; and I almost feel guilty when I laugh at them; G!

Bill Collectors deserve every dent!  I feel sorry for the guy who boinks him in the nose. 

"For Whom the "Bill" Ding Dongs"; Hemingway.  How I hated that novel in Junior High School; Forced Reading Material for a Mr. Bills' History class.  LOL...

  And Hemingway is one of my all-time favorite authors; To think a lazy-ass sleeping 8th grade History Creep almost destroyed the admiration, love, and respect for one of my favorite authors; as well as the poet, John Donne, who was the author of: "No Man is an Island", inspiring Ernest Hemingway to borrow from the stanza: 'For Whom the Bell Tolls, The Bell Tolls for Thee!' , the origin of the title,  "For Whom the Bell Tolls".

It was actually one of the best novels I have ever read, leaving me with a life-long respect for life, love and liberty; as well as justifying a Pacifist's purity and visions for peace, a world without violence. war and hate.  I was young; and realize now,  dreams for peaceful, loving world may be the lesson I have come to witness in life.  The world is in a jumble of violence, and the humble voice of peace everlasting has turned into a cry for help. 

Meloncholy and sadness began weeks ago; my DH isn't talking, and we are losing ground.  My heart is aching, and his resentful feelings towards me have become a silent, glaring and diminished nightmare.  When my truck was running, and I was independent; he was never here.  He grimaces, and growls like a rabied wild dog.  Then, out of nowhere, he puts on this "Mr. Niceguy act".  The only bell ringing at the moment, is DH's voice reverberating from my forgetfulness; I don't even remember what the hell he was yelling about; something redundant; oh; I misplaced the can-opener.  He never noticed or commented when I lost weight; exercised, and worked outdoors, walking kids through the forest six days a week.  When I gained rt pounds from chemotherapy, there's a "fat-ass" comment on a daily basis (if he is talking; which is rare).  When I was thin, he told me I was sickeningly skinny, and painful to look at; it boils down to one this; ding-dong...this man loves someone else, and apparently despises me.  I don't know where to go for help, and divorce seems rediculous if my life will be lost sooner than I thought.  I hope Dr. Faraway is able to answer these questions; living in the shadow of another's disgust and repulsive, indignant hatred has surfaced more quickly than the Aggressive Grade 3, Triple Negative Tumor.  I never realized, understood, or even suspected he would turn into a Nazi overnight.
For whom the Bell Tolls?  Me, Gertrude Stein, and Alice Bell-Tolklas...gotta laugh; it too depressing not too.


"For Whom the Bell Tolls", was actually one of the many favorite novels, having a profound effect on how I view our world, and why I feel so helplessly lost and mistrustful of people, in general.e novel was actually my favorite; reading it over many times, it left an unforgettable impression on my life.  It should be "required reading"; however, that farting, burping, sleeping girls track team coach and (he also taught Algebra), never should have received a Teaching Certificate.  We laughed at the poor man, played nasty tricks to "wake him up"...alarm clocks; ink in his chair, giant springs in his drawer, and I wasn't the instigater.  He worked at a drug store; and sometimes I thought he was taking sleeping pills; he hated teenagers, hated teaching, and I am convinced he had an extremely sad and tortured, loney life. 

Now that I'm his age; I look back and feel sorry for Mr. Bills (we called him Mr. Dick the Duck-Bills.  Teenagers; can be so damn nasty; probably the best time I had is school; 7th and 8th grade.  oh, hum. 

Sorry G...your Billy Boy Bill Collector brought back all these memories; and almost every male in my family's name is William.  LOL.

Love.
Indi


nosurrender

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Reply with quote  #4 
Indi...
I am halfway in my car to drive to your house and give your husband a piece of my mind! HOW DREADFUL!
PLEASE find a lawyer or mediator or the owner of a baseball bat... I mean it. You are too dear to all of us for this to be happening to you.
Let that vitamin D kick in and let Dr. Faraway fix you up and you get stronger and then follow your bliss....please, Indi.

I had to laugh at your nickname for your high school teacher because my high school teacher's REAL NAME was Mr. Dick.
he was a very cool teacher- most unfortunate name however!

(((((((((((((((((((((INDI))))))))))))))))))))

Love you,
g


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Indigoblue

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Reply with quote  #5 
You are the best, G!
 
I don't have any baseball bats; but plenty of heavy-duty. old garden tools.  Actually, they both have had a suspicious kissy-pity party going on for a long time; I just happened to ask the appropriate question at the inappropriate time; and the off-beat reaction, a pack of missing (ancient) rubbers, a guilty  admission and later, a weak denial; and the many hours spent in disappearing, excuses. while the missing DH & cheating MW were nowhere to be found.  I despise her actions, and how she destroyed her own DH's life with her sneaky subversive actions; and now her divorce with her kids gone to college, and Mom and Dad buy the bitch a house; and every day a "toot-toot' from the same car; so-long Daddy-kins.  She's about 16 years younger than he, but she looks like she's 20 years older than myself.  Frankly, I don't give a damn.  The last three years have been emotional torture; and this metal nasty wedding ring, symbolize nothing but cover-ups and cruel misgivings: I knew he was an untrustworthy creep, but I did love him and believed he loved me until a few years later, his lack of caring during Cancer treatments, and the unexpected added pain to a drippy "I Do", damn, "I wish I didn't!"
 
Anyway; I could be vindictive, get them both fired from their jobs, and live a comfortable life; if it comes to the final blows of my "Irish" temper.  It's strange; I want him to be with a person he likes; and the anger, hatred and devilish thoughts I've been having, have only hurt my spirit, attitude and the little bit o' pride I' keep in reserve.  He works with pretty women, has for years; I knew it would happen some day.  I did, however, request that he not wait until I'm old and have breast cancer to tell me about his sphincter lover, lovers, and assholes bitches.
 
She will suffer.  Romance is always exciting when cheaters are cheating, sneaking around, and pretend nobody knows except them.  The first time I laid eyes on this one, I knew she was "out to f---uck my DH".  Actually, I don't know the whole truth, and should not have spit it out on the Internet last night.  I was in a state of mental agony, and now he's playing me like a pawn.  I'll give him a pawn (Pawn Shop) to "pawn"der about once my facts are clearly  proved, or if he has another "pitiful" moment.  It's such a long story; and he isn't worth the reservoir of tears.  I'm finished with men anyway; they never given me anything but pain, lies and bullshit; anyway.
 
It's the same story for almost every species; and my heart only breaks when I think about my sister and her children.  He didn't cry, not a drop, and he was a real son of a B throughout the service.  I'll never forgive him for that one; he could have squeezed out an eye-booger or thrown some fake teardrops in there, somewhere.  It's also when I knew (pretty much for certain), the armchair psychologist third grade slut teacher was picking and poking to seek out when the "wicked old witch will die" so she can steel my belongings and his retirement fund.
 
Sometimes,  I hope they choke on rat poison if that happens; but in any case, I will find a way out of this hellhole, and into the breezy meadows.  My Dumb Huck promised so many dreams; all lies.  He never meant a word.  He should have married his mother; really; she is his true love.  I love her too; but I have never been obsessed with another human being;  I love many, but there are too many books, paintings, interesting people and places to go; I will not miss anything or anyone here, should I leave tomorrow or any time in the near future. 
 
It will be fine; I don't care, my heart has been shattered too many times to care.
 
Thank you for your, strength, love, supports, and for being a true, blue and dependable friend. I meant to p.m. this stuff; the electricity is crazy, the candle burned part of the laptop, and to Heckle and Jeckle with it all!
 
Nervous tonight, anyway; and needed some understanding, hope and support; the angst of meeting Dr. Faraway; and the undependable hospitals have not sent much of the necessary pictures, results, etc; so the bit BOOGY-SNOT & CHEAT  has to drive me to these places to pick up the info.  He has a booming voice, and I know the day will result in his glaring eyes,, permanent frown, and likely a migraine for me. 
 
More tomorrow; yikes, it's late!  the Surgical/Oncology (specializing in Thyroid and Para-thyroid Diseases. is at ten a.m.
Too early for this night owl; but beggars can't be choosers, after all.
 
Love to you Gina, hoping you are feeling well, and my prayers, and a new collection of lovely rocks; bold and stellar, glistening in the rain will be built in your honor.  A beautiful spirit; and so many who love you; who ever couldn't love our dear Gina must be related to the "Cheating Liars and boogie-man and woman thieves of the dark and windy craggy black endless pits in Edgar Allan Poe's worst nightmares".
 
Love,
Indi

Naniam

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Reply with quote  #6 
Indi,

Sorry that your are hurting and have been hurt.  Many of us have walked in your shoes, some before BC and some during or after.  The days are dark, they hurt and the pain is deep and piercing, then anger for understanding that at some level you knew but the pain so intense that you could not let your conscious mind believe.  I wasn't sure I would be able to make it - I did.
Part of me forever left behind -

One thing for sure BC doesn't leave us wimps. We survive!!   Sending you a big hug -

Brenda
nosurrender

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Reply with quote  #7 
I love you Indi.
You have everyone here behind you 1000%.
IF YOU NEED US TO ALL DESCEND UPON YOUR HOUSE WE WILL!

Get your things together that you need to do and then let's get your life back- a beautiful life for YOU

THIS IS FOR YOU~ This is my wish for you~ This is possible because you are a beautiful soul



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Indigoblue

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Reply with quote  #8 
Thank you for your sisterhood and understanding what it's been like for such a long time.  Most of the time, I think I'm losing my mind, or he's trying to make me think I've lost it and off looking of the pieces of my mind and heart.   The unpredictable trash, the "is it a lie, or is it not a lie?", is the worst; since I am pretty much a "chump" when it comes to believing the best is true.  Maybe I am crazy; at this point in the Wasteland of this so-called marriage; who cares? 
 
With a Vitamin D level of #1, who knows, maybe I am nuts.  I know what I heard,  and now I am being treated like I forgot to put on my hearing aids; (I don't wear hearing aids).
 
Thanks for your love and support; it means the universe to me, and whatever happens, happens.  I had a long talk with my counselor (breast cancer nurse).
 
She has/had a similar experience, as well.  Apparently, this is a common experience for many spouses  suffering from a long term illness; breast and ovarian cancers, particularly.  I am strong, I wish my family were closer to help me sort out the mess, since my brain isn't exactly functioning as well as it did before chemotherapy treatments, etc.  Before this all began, I was working at changing my life, leaving him, this place, and find a new life in a place where my world would blend with the rational way of life I'd studied so hard to accomplish.   Lies got me into this mess; and overlooking the lies kept me here.  I left twice, and regret believing the bullshit I wanted to hear.  I wanted to believe in love.   In this case, it was a cover-up, a costume party, and a phony-baloney game, in which I was the only one not wearing a mask.
 
You are in my heart, dear friends, and thank you for reading and listening to my tears.  Enough is enough, however, and I can't take anymore of these half-baked rotten eggs.  He golfs; he loves something...someone, who knows?  If I hear a fake "I love you", one more time; it's going to be "War of the Weeds".  Like Breast Cancer, this is so similar.  One must experience it, go into denial, shock, disbelief, and finally face the truth. 
 
"The truth shall set us free".  (I hope!)
 
Thank you, for your inspiring and heartfelt words.  I cherish my friends here, almost like spiritual friends I have know since before the beginning of time. 
 
Thank you for your support and love!
 
Love,
Indi
SoCalLisa

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Reply with quote  #9 
Hi Indi..I just really noticed this..

So sorry you are going through too much mendacity...and pain...

how cruel...

I wish there were something we could do or say that could help..

first is to get your body and mind functioning better...this is crucial..

I also read " For Whom the Bell Tolls" many years ago and forgot most

of it until we lived in Madrid for four years and regularly drove near where

most of the action was placed...it is funny how things are no longer as black and

white to me...I knew many Spaniards who were actually in the Civil War on both

sides..gray, gray...

Anyhow I am sending (((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))) across the country to you...




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